The Epidemic of Being Whipped

Let’s take a little quiz

Do you have a girlfriend?

○ Yes

○ No

Is she annoying?

○ Yes

○ No

 Does she call you when you’re with the boys?

○ Yes

○ No

Are these calls persistent?

○ Yes

○ No

Does she insist that you talk to her/be with her instead?

○ Yes

○ No

Does she go berserk when you’re in the company of another girl? (even when you’re other guy and girl friends are there with you)

○ Yes

○ No

Does she do this all the time?

○ Yes

○ No

Were most of your answers, yes?

○ Yes

○ No

Does that mean she keeps your balls in a jar next to her bedside table? 

○ Highly Likely                                                                          

○ *Sudden realization of great truth*

○ Oh shit, yes!                                                                            

○ Oh no! My balls!

As a journalist, there are a few skills that one is required to master.  Observation, a keen and ever-vigilant eye for anything out of the ordinary. We can spot trouble from a mile away; we will then run towards it. The Art of Eavesdropping, the ability to listen to and process another person’s conversations while pretending not to do so.  And finally an eager interest in everyone else’s business. Over the last two months I've been mastering these skills required for my job when I happened upon a rather shocking development.

One out of every five men is ‘whipped’.

Whipped

wɪpt/

adjective

When a man is controlled by his girlfriend, almost entirely. To the point of embarrassment when his friends tell him that he is her 'little bitch'.

 “Man, John is totally whipped.”

                                                                                         (Taken from the Urban Dictionary)

“Being whipped is turning into an epidemic of sorts (no, I’m not making an Ebola joke, that shit is serious)

I’m a woman. I have a boyfriend too and I know that I am capable of nagging and very annoying behavior.  From the very long shopping trips, the sudden need to eat whatever I’m craving for, the PMS… oh the PMS… the crying spells, the neediness, the possessiveness… Oh Lord, the possessiveness... Yes, I get all of that, but what I don’t understand is why some women have to be so damn controlling. Would you like it if you were out on a nice lunch date with your girlfriends and your boyfriend calls you incessantly going:

                

                               “Hi baby… what you doing?... yeah I know I called you only 5 minutes ago, but I was wondering if you were done eating your French Toast with apples and walnuts.. Who’s with you? Is Cynthia there? Why isn’t she there? Oh Jennifer is there, is it? I told you not to hang out with her... why do you do that? It’s so annoying when you don’t listen to me… do I need a reason not to like her?? I JUST DON’T OK!!!  *insert emotional blackmail* … If you don’t come see me now I’ll never talk to you again! Am I more important or are they….” (Half an hour monologue ensues, by the time he’s done your friends have a mild feeling of hatred towards your oh-so-beloved one)

Do you see how frickin’ annoying it is to just read that? So why do you do it? What do you get out of it? Tell me, I am dying to know.  But don’t even think about selling me the feminist angle. When I told my best friend/soul mate/attached to the hip person, Samah Mariam, that I wanted to write a post on ‘Being Whipped’ we were talking about it from the perspective of being a feminist and we instantly agreed that we wouldn't consider this as a feminist approach. Feminism is about EQUAL rights and EQUAL power, this is Femdom.

I’ve tried to rationalize this every way possible and I’ve come up with a few relatively reasonable theories. Firstly, you don’t trust the man and your insecurities get the better of your forcing you to breathe down the poor guy’s throat; that’s just sad. Secondly, you’ve got no friends or social life of your own. If that’s the case why don’t you just join him? Meet his friends, get to know them, chill with them, but give the man his own space too, or even better, get your OWN damn friends! (I wonder if your lack of friends must have something to do with that attitude of yours?!) Third-ly, you’re a bitch. Let’s admit it, you take pleasure from this sadistic act of hanging on your man’s balls and making him dance to your tune like a little wound up monkey. I get being a bitch as an ‘No I don’t take shit’ kind of thing, but being a bitch to someone else, just because you can, now that’s a situation there’s no cure for. And finally, the ‘I care about what he does and who he does it with?’ let me start by saying, don’t even try to sell me that. It’s called ‘Deja Moo’ because I’ve heard that BULL before. Just let the man BE a man.

And speaking of men, I honestly I feel so sad the men who are at the mercy of their dominatrix. According to my boyfriend, being with a woman like that is similar to being neutered. And I agree. So why do you put up with it? Because you’re trying to be a gentleman? Sometimes even I, a woman with very strong feminist views think some women really do deserve a tight smack across the head. You know, just to put things into the right place.

Dear Gentleman, if you’re with one of these women then trust me when I tell you this: If you know what’s good of you, RUN. Leave her a nice little note, like one of those “It’s not you, it’s me” thingys, take your bags and flee the country, because unlike what you think, women like that aren't the missing piece of the puzzle you keep searching for. Marry her and you’re literally finished.